Fragile and anxious …(with some darkness wanting to keep it’s arms around me) I enter this circle I know is safe. We speak of language, of connections of mind, heart, spirit and body…all the “stories” we invent and occurrences that we add meaning to. We really are making it all up! And even though I have become very KFC that I ..who I am…is NOT my story or any of the stories that run thru the endless chatter of my mind…I remain “stuck” in some emotional washing machine…and the cycle is drain /spin…drain/spin.
So in laying my heart out for all to see I share this recycling that seems to have been happening more fiercely the last 3 weeks. Others begin to share similar experiences…I’m NOT alone!!!!
The seed of my darkness and my ever present weariness is the “doubt”…. As my dear Shaman says…”you have the desire but you have the doubt” . Damn..and Oh good another layer of the spiral towards freedom and the opening to Love I desire!!!
The “GIFT” I discovered was to be SEEN by the masculine, to be held by the masculine…to be touched and opened by the masculine….(a masculine with Strength and heart and a desire to serve and protect)… This allowed a feminine in me that I have only briefly touched upon or “revealed”…. The Key is in dissolving the doubt…the doubt it will never happen , the doubt no one is capable , the doubt I can’t let go, the doubt I am not SAFE….. for with the doubt in place there is NO opening…. They feed each other….
So in laying my heart out for all to see I share this recycling that seems to have been happening more fiercely the last 3 weeks. Others begin to share similar experiences…I’m NOT alone!!!!
The seed of my darkness and my ever present weariness is the “doubt”…. As my dear Shaman says…”you have the desire but you have the doubt” . Damn..and Oh good another layer of the spiral towards freedom and the opening to Love I desire!!!
The “GIFT” I discovered was to be SEEN by the masculine, to be held by the masculine…to be touched and opened by the masculine….(a masculine with Strength and heart and a desire to serve and protect)… This allowed a feminine in me that I have only briefly touched upon or “revealed”…. The Key is in dissolving the doubt…the doubt it will never happen , the doubt no one is capable , the doubt I can’t let go, the doubt I am not SAFE….. for with the doubt in place there is NO opening…. They feed each other….
So for now..The doubt has dissolved and there is OPENING....I can be present and wild and RAW and I am gifted with being LOVED, And BELONGING!!!!!
