Dancing with the Phantom

I have recently been dancing with the Phantom and not realizing it...Thinking I

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"should" be "struggling" that the fear was "normal", the possession.the justifying... My instincts off.... then it came...love/forgive him for he knows not what he does....  then the chaoes left  and my real Father came back to me offering his strength and protection... and with His protection my heart could open and I could beam and radiate the lovely juicy feminine that has been longing for expression.   I love this inner connection...I LONG for this inner connection.....Thankyou GOD for the experience regardless of how brief.

how do I stop the struggle?

wow!! the Phantom has become so much more real as I have engaged with that inner aspect of ME! the surrender and the comapssion... a struggle at this point.  It's subtle and really  becoming so much more real and challenging.... surrendering to the surrender?how do I find the place of compassion inside for this inner figure ????  I'll Pray for now......

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Phantom

From the Phantom to LOVE

The only way out is compassion and LOVE....

I'm letting go into LOVE

Trust..trust myself to fly....let go of what holds me down

trust myself to let go into LOVE...Like in my dream..letting go into the enfolded wings of the archangel Michael.... that trust

I'm in Love with LOVE, I'm in Love with LOVE, I”m in Love with LOVE

HMMMM …...What is fantasy, what is real?

Yes what is reality?

What I allow myself to perceive ...which is many..... and none of them are real....

LOVE is the constant!!!!!

In the openness it is all there and synchronistically it comes...hmmmm...Yes!

Can I open and stay open ….

...at all times....this is the key? Or too much to ask...Or is this a set up?....Love myself..... compassion for myself.... Perfection does not exist in the physical world...in Love it does.. because only in LOVE do all imperfections disappear.....when we are not separate.

Contraction into this “only” reality is limiting , painful...I'm getting it....Let go!!!! Love is....Uniting, compassion is the key that opens the door!!! YES!!!!

I kiss the Phantom because I see his heart...he hides his love to avoid the vulnerability...Thank God I finally see it!!!! He is not the enemy!!!

There is no recipe... Opening and allowing and presence are all that is required... then GRACE envelops me.

All realities are there...LOVE connects them all...

...the LOVE...

it's the sacredness and who can hold the sacredness? I can...Yes I can....it is in me... I feel it.. I know it's been there all along.

And yet it's not rigid at all , it's not “a place”...hmmmm

laugh, fly, giggle...express... all of you all of me....

“mommy ,mommy” I hear...The innocence calls me...my child...hear me.... and I'm in my own place... the boundary and the opening at the same time....I embrace her in me.... An embrace so familiar...all exists there........and that embrace feels like HOME!

 

out of the treadmill or "doing by being"

"Our striving for external Achievements is a projection of a deeper and much more fundamental drive to psychologically complete the birth process and to make a spiritual connection. There is no end to our hunger for external conquests because we cannot get enough of what we do not really want and need"...

Let's see what my journey reveals... bless all and bless me!

feminine rising

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So I'm feeling the masculine tapping
on my heart...the gentle tapping feels good. I think it is an inner masculine that I long for and yet am afraid of...It's a connection .....It seems there are certain men in my life that trigger this connection and I start to cry..not sadness but an inner movement that is profound and that I haven't been able to let go into.

I feel that "this masculine container" i spoke of before is not external... and I'm not sure it's the Animus either....
this Saturday I journey...My prayer is for God to reveal to me that which is most important for me now.

synchronicities

Since my last post synchronicies abound!!!! I feel the feminine walking beside me asking me to let her in with all her mysteries...I want to but all that is missing is a strong clear masculine to be the container so she may move in me and become all that she in meant to be...soft, strong, juicy wild expressive sensual and graceful.

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I am up in the middle of the night..know something called me..Synchronicities are revealing themselves to me.....I'm reading Grof's "when the impossible happens" ..could be the doors of my psyche are just opening and SEEING...Then this expression came to me...written many years ago...as I desended into the shadows... it feels right to share it now.

In The Darkness Gratitude Waits …

A Poem by Angela Ledington-Fischer

As I walk through this

Valley of darkness,

I vaguely hear a whisper.

I notice I am followed

By many dark faces,

Only one is shrouded

By a cloth.

The whisper is no longer heard

Over the raving and the raging

Of the dark faces.

I continue to walk…

Knowing they all follow me.

My legs become weak,

My stomach is knotted

And my heart feels heavier

With every step.

Finally as I feel death closing in,

I turn to face them.

We face each other

In a long silence

That is so loud

It begins to vibrate my entire being.

On my knees

My last bit of strength

Allows an unknown voice.

A song emerges from my soul…

I listen and soon

I hear the voice

Of my own feminine spirit.

She lives! She thrives!

The melody begins to pulse

Through my veins.

And I begin to notice a light…

Far off in the distance…

The whisper begins… again.

It is calling me to the light…

I follow…

And now by my side

Is the shrouded face…

As I approach the light

I see it is merely a small, beautiful candle.

I look to my right

And see the beautiful face of gratitude.

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Her light surrounds and caresses me

With the redemption…

This is her gift.

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night calls....

Read Aeolus blog on dreams and and inner patterns and evolution....there is sychronicity in this for me... And I'm reading grof's "when the impossible happens" another synchronicty with my inner world and here i am up in the middle of the night for some reason..it will reveal itself ..i know.

It is time to go into the Dream world and explore more...wanna go with me?

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It's been a long time since I've allowed myself this inner space. This last month or so I have been finding myself dancing out of my comfort zone...pressing my own edges to discover more of myself...there have been surprises and pains... the pains have been difficult and what I find is my biggest challenge is to be willing to venture out and try some new steps to this dance I've done for so many years of my life and let my toes get stepped on and even fumble a bit ...and stay IN the dance....

I am only human and my heart gets scared but at the same time has so much Love. And s0 I have discovered we cannot selectively close our heart to protect ourselves from "them"...and an unopened heart does not feel good. That is why God made tears... tears can help melt away the walls that get built..unknowingly.

" With an open heart and open mind we discover a great stillness, a loving presence with things as they are. Resting in a simple awareness of the present, the heart becomes trustworty" jack Kornfield

Being in the presence of one who loves me unconditionally catalyzes opening... and in that opening so much more of me is available!!!

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change your perspective...walk through the gateway

dreams and perspective

It is so interesting how a 1 degree shift in perception can change everything..... dreams give me that shift. sometimes they are so symbolic that I must let the symbols live in me and keep working their way into my consciousness and then POP!!! the epiphany happens or at least the shift!!! I love the workings of the psyche... And I must say it only pops when I am able to be fully present!!!! Love to ALL....Here's a gift

INSPIRITU

As I sit here with the soft cool wind caressing my skin….I recall words…

Words that I see everyday.

“Live the Life that you Love and Love the Life that you Live”

I feel that soft sensual caress of the wind and I LOVE it!

I ride my bike in the beautiful country side of paradise and look back over my tanned muscled shoulder and realize ….I Love my life!

I am present and conscious of what I feel……

Do I keep riding forward into the soft caressing wind or look over my shoulder and see what I have left behind…..which I Love?

Or are both coexisting in a Oneness that I am just discovering…the Endless Present?

Written by: Angela Ledington-Fischer

August of 08

connecting heaven and earth

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In the dream we were all asked to hold hand s and it was necessary that we all touched and connected in the circle then we called the Father and we connected heaven and earth... this was the dream for my life!!!!

Write text here...

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PEACE to all.....Sweet Dreaming

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Dreams of Enigma

I am on a ship , a dark steamy ship with men..there is sensuality in the air. At first I am afraid that they might hurt me...they want something else . and one man with dark hair comes to me in a very sweet way and touches my face with the most gentle and loving and sensual touch I have ever felt. I want him to continue but he must let the others touch me also...they all want to touch my face...... tears rolls down my face as I write this .... as the feeling inside is a longing ...a deep longing.....to be touched and the face has always been a place of intimacy for me.....through there, maybe my heart will be touched.......again.

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Dreams and sleep

Fitful sleep and fitfull dreaming...it just doesn't lend itself to feeling good in the present. I'm going to try to ask, really ask for particular information in my dreams..since it's not real and at this point just symbolic and informational, let's see what happens...stay tuned.

Feel free to share dreams and experiences around this or whatever springs forth in your psyche... Bon Nuit

More dreaming

Last night I spent a portion of it dreaming and now I can't remember the dreams just a vagues feeling of being on a ship and being with a man and some friends....so now I look back on my life and I have vague memories of being a child and have a feeling that there was some fun with some guys that were my brothers and I had a mom and I had a dad for a short time.... and here i am...again only with me....somehow all this brings up tears..it's all so fleeting and so much of time is wasted doing things that don't nurture us or feed our spirit. I will try to just be here and be conscious about feeding my spirit ..... maybe the focus should be on feeding the spirit of others and we will all be nurtured in that way>>>???

are we dreaming?

my past seems like a dream...did it really exist? as i sit here I realize that the only thing that keeps it there are memories in my head and some body reactions...even those are faint. so what is real?
That is the ulimate question.....are feelings real?

I know I make up stuff in my head that is not real and have reactions to it as if it were real....hmmmm

life is interesting