re-writing "my story"

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Time passes... wounds heal.... what was is no longer and yet the trail of them still cliing to me like a sticky spiders web that I continue to try to remove....Perspective's everything.... All I need to do is walk through the "gateway" that was created as a gift from the gods many years ago....  I am at the edge right now of looking back at my life and creating it differently..moving forward without the negative baggage.. I am birthing this process for myself... funny I have never given birth to a human ( another perspective to shift on) So it seems on many levels I can experience FREEDOM... This must be my word for this transition I'm in...it keeps coming up... the other is  UNDOMESTICATED...  They do go together .  Can I really "undomesticate" myself at this point in life... or do I accept what has been instilled in me and create freedom around it?  HMMMMM...Good question.  We will see.  One  to chew and possibly throw into the alchemical FIRE

I don't  know how to navigate this new world of freedom...and tearing away of the bonds that have domesticated me....those are the sticky webs....so repositioning creating gateways and shifting perspectives.....

To be Positive one has already been moving which is I am no longer a sales person..and have taken time for myself to come back..yes.... back to this place of  juicy creativity....and re discover all of the feminine that I denied  hid away ... I wasn't SEEN  ... and that has become more and more of what I want in a Man,..beyond my beauty beyond all external manifestations....not someones projection....so here's  my claim.....

I want to stand  face to face with a MAN  in all of our raw bareness... and really SEE each other... and in that to Allow LOVE to move through us and fill every pore and cell with it's glory!!!!!!

Dancing with the Phantom

I have recently been dancing with the Phantom and not realizing it...Thinking I

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"should" be "struggling" that the fear was "normal", the possession.the justifying... My instincts off.... then it came...love/forgive him for he knows not what he does....  then the chaoes left  and my real Father came back to me offering his strength and protection... and with His protection my heart could open and I could beam and radiate the lovely juicy feminine that has been longing for expression.   I love this inner connection...I LONG for this inner connection.....Thankyou GOD for the experience regardless of how brief.

how do I stop the struggle?

wow!! the Phantom has become so much more real as I have engaged with that inner aspect of ME! the surrender and the comapssion... a struggle at this point.  It's subtle and really  becoming so much more real and challenging.... surrendering to the surrender?how do I find the place of compassion inside for this inner figure ????  I'll Pray for now......

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Phantom

From the Phantom to LOVE

The only way out is compassion and LOVE....

I'm letting go into LOVE

Trust..trust myself to fly....let go of what holds me down

trust myself to let go into LOVE...Like in my dream..letting go into the enfolded wings of the archangel Michael.... that trust

I'm in Love with LOVE, I'm in Love with LOVE, I”m in Love with LOVE

HMMMM …...What is fantasy, what is real?

Yes what is reality?

What I allow myself to perceive ...which is many..... and none of them are real....

LOVE is the constant!!!!!

In the openness it is all there and synchronistically it comes...hmmmm...Yes!

Can I open and stay open ….

...at all times....this is the key? Or too much to ask...Or is this a set up?....Love myself..... compassion for myself.... Perfection does not exist in the physical world...in Love it does.. because only in LOVE do all imperfections disappear.....when we are not separate.

Contraction into this “only” reality is limiting , painful...I'm getting it....Let go!!!! Love is....Uniting, compassion is the key that opens the door!!! YES!!!!

I kiss the Phantom because I see his heart...he hides his love to avoid the vulnerability...Thank God I finally see it!!!! He is not the enemy!!!

There is no recipe... Opening and allowing and presence are all that is required... then GRACE envelops me.

All realities are there...LOVE connects them all...

...the LOVE...

it's the sacredness and who can hold the sacredness? I can...Yes I can....it is in me... I feel it.. I know it's been there all along.

And yet it's not rigid at all , it's not “a place”...hmmmm

laugh, fly, giggle...express... all of you all of me....

“mommy ,mommy” I hear...The innocence calls me...my child...hear me.... and I'm in my own place... the boundary and the opening at the same time....I embrace her in me.... An embrace so familiar...all exists there........and that embrace feels like HOME!

 

out of the treadmill or "doing by being"

"Our striving for external Achievements is a projection of a deeper and much more fundamental drive to psychologically complete the birth process and to make a spiritual connection. There is no end to our hunger for external conquests because we cannot get enough of what we do not really want and need"...

Let's see what my journey reveals... bless all and bless me!

feminine rising

Image by Seb Ulysses via Flickr

So I'm feeling the masculine tapping
on my heart...the gentle tapping feels good. I think it is an inner masculine that I long for and yet am afraid of...It's a connection .....It seems there are certain men in my life that trigger this connection and I start to cry..not sadness but an inner movement that is profound and that I haven't been able to let go into.

I feel that "this masculine container" i spoke of before is not external... and I'm not sure it's the Animus either....
this Saturday I journey...My prayer is for God to reveal to me that which is most important for me now.

synchronicities

Since my last post synchronicies abound!!!! I feel the feminine walking beside me asking me to let her in with all her mysteries...I want to but all that is missing is a strong clear masculine to be the container so she may move in me and become all that she in meant to be...soft, strong, juicy wild expressive sensual and graceful.